The Maggie Wynn Podcast
Overcomer, walking in freedom, healing from past hurts, and trauma. Walking in Forgiveness, grace and mercy. https://maggiewynn.com/FB: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=547354566IG: Overcomer_Wif
The Maggie Wynn Podcast
Overcoming Trauma: A Journey of Healing and Empowerment
Have you ever pondered the true essence of healing, or how you can recognize when you've moved past your traumas? That's precisely what we, Maggie and Jessica, explore on our latest episode of Overcomers. We tackle the tough questions about mental health, the process of confronting and dismantling the issues that haunt us, and the profound journey towards healing. We share insights on how discussing your past without the weight of old emotions can be a sign of true healing, and offer our perspectives on transforming from a victim mentality to one of growth and empowerment.
During our heartfelt conversation, we delve into the spiritual dimensions of healing, reflecting on the promise of Psalms 147:3 and its significance in our readiness to heal. We share personal testimonies, including a transformative moment that illustrates the power of seeking a change of heart. Join us as we shed light on the cycles that keep us ensnared in pain and the steps we can take towards genuine healing. This isn't just a discussion; it's a beacon of hope for anyone striving to overcome and emerge stronger.
okay, people, hi. Hi, this is maggie. I'm jessica and we are with overcomers and this is a podcast that we want to talk about mental health. It's for overcoming trauma, healing and the process of healing, so I hope that you stay tuned in. Welcome Welcome, jess. Thank you. So we were talking earlier about healing and you asked a really, really good question. You said to me what is healing Right and do you want to elaborate what's?
Speaker 2:healing, like what I think healing is. So, um, I just feel like healing is um identifying an issue, uh, meeting it head on, um picking it apart, trying to study your behaviors because of certain situations or traumas that you may have experienced in the past, trying to overcome them, heal from them, knowing when you're healed from that situation. Uh, I would think that it's maybe you're able to discuss the situation without feeling the same emotions that you did when you were dealing with it. Um, maybe not to be so emotional, maybe to be able to help others through similar situations with compassion and things like that. But it is hard for me to identify. You know when you've overcome, you know when you're in the next level.
Speaker 1:I think that what you said is correct. I think that when you reach that point of knowing that you are healed, you can talk about it. Some people can't talk about their pain. Some people can't talk about their pain, they can't talk about their trauma. So you know, obviously they're not healed yet, right?
Speaker 1:I think that when you're able to talk about it, and even though it may bring some kind of a sadness, you're able to go through the whole story and be impactful, right? I think that you deliver the message more of like I'm an overcomer, I'm a conqueror, versus I'm the victim, right, you know? I think that when you're healed, you don't just blame. You don't blame people anymore for what they did to you. You understand that that's the life that was handed to you, that's the outcome that you got and then you grew from it. I think that when you stay in the state of not being healed is you're constantly seeing yourself as the victim still, and you're constantly seeing yourself as blaming other people for what they did to you and never really owning up to your part of it. And now I'm not saying in all cases, because there are some people that have been abused and they were not responsible for that, but other people that were in their care should have cared more. Right to take that responsibility for them.
Speaker 1:Um, the bible does say, though, that psalms 147, 3 says he, he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. So it's it's like god is saying he will heal you in his timing, and I think that the timing is when we're ready, when we want it, when we go after it, when we go after the healing that we want and we can see it in other people. Then I think that that's when God says I'm concerned about what you're concerned about, but if that's not your concern, then you're not ready to heal. I mean, I think it's a cycle that you have to recognize. Are you going to the same places, are you doing the same things that lead you back into that pit right, or remembering, or going back to saying I'm guilty, or trying to cope with it the best, the wrong way, right right, right, I had a.
Speaker 2:I had a situation, um, a couple years back, and a friend of mine from the church, she told me that if I wanted to, she said to ask the ask, the Lord, to change my heart. And I didn't believe her. I was just like, okay, you know, but this is, this is how I feel, this is what I want to feel. I feel strongly about this, this particular incident. You know, I can't see me ever feeling any other way, you know. But I did what she, what she said, because I was in a, I I was, you know, at my wits end. There was no, I had no other option.
Speaker 2:So, um, I I didn't lose anything for trying, so I did, I would, I would pray and I would ask the lord, please, if it isn't your will, lord, please change, please change my heart, please change my heart. And that would be my prayer from night on in. And I didn't notice, but eventually I can't pinpoint when it happened, but I did notice that my heart had changed about this particular situation and it kind of took me back a little bit because I was like I couldn't see this back then and, in the situation, I couldn't see myself here feeling this way and not being so emotionally attached to that situation that I couldn't find myself getting out of, and it was amazing. But now that I've done that, I prayed about it and I'm here now with this situation and it doesn't affect me the same as it did before. Now I'm kind of like what do I do now, you know? So I guess I pray again and I ask the Lord please show me what? Where do I go now? If I'm healing or healed, what's the next?
Speaker 1:step, I think people will reach a state and say I'm healed, I'm great, I'm good about that, right. But I think that we are like onions, that we have different layers and that our healing process is a never-ending process. When it comes to the things, when it comes to our body, mind, soul and spirit, we're constantly getting healed. And if you don't recognize that you need to continue the healing process, because you may have healed in there's five areas and you've only healed in one and you think you're good, but you haven't healed in four, five, six, seven or whatever right, then you're going to continue to stay in that, as a midget, spiritually, in those things, versus just healing from that one trauma, right? Because I think that we go through heartbreak, we go through relationships that end, we go through a loss of a loved one, we go through all of these things that cause us pain and they're part of life. But there are some things that are deeper than others and that we don't talk about.
Speaker 1:And I think that after you heal from one, then you've got to ask the Holy Spirit what's next, right, you know, and I think that once you do that, I think he reveals it to you. It's a process of seeking him. Seek me and you'll find Knock and it shall be open. So I think that his word says, when we continue to seek him daily, asking him to heal us, what's my next step? Asking him to heal us, what's my next step? That he's going to guide us and that his voice is so subtle that if you're not careful on how you listen, you can listen to the wrong voice and say, girl, you got this, you know you're fine, let's just do it, you know but there's other process.
Speaker 1:There's another process that says, okay, I've got to go and I've got to dig deeper. And it is about digging deeper. I think you shared with me the shadow journaling book about being intimate and being open about those deeper issues, and then I write it down and even today was just like, oh my God, this is like bringing me new feelings, but I think it's more of a grace that I give myself. You know the healing. So what next would be asking the Holy Spirit I need to know what other area in my life I need healing from Right and then waiting on the Lord and seeing what the Holy Spirit says and then taking action. I think for me, recently I asked myself that question. I feel like I've healed from a lot of traumas, a lot of pain, a lot of heartaches. So I asked what next for me? What next, I think, looks more like um, they that child of me that that's fearful, that gets anxious, and that I laugh when I'm in a situation that's dangerous and I don't know why?
Speaker 1:And it's like that's not healthy, Right? You know we were like this is serious. You know, or I panic, I go from one extreme to the X, I will go, either panic in the mode of just hurry up, let's just get this done, you know, and then here comes someone that's so calm, and so peaceful and says whoa, whoa, whoa whoa Wait a minute.
Speaker 1:Like whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Like stop and let's analyze the situation and let's let's deal with it the right way, because when you're in a panic mode, you will drop things, you do make mistakes and do all these things versus, um, if you are in a calm state, you're more able to process things and think things through, and that healing is it. When're healed. I believe that that's your sound. It's a sound mind. You're making decisions based on God's principles, a sound decision that's good, that's not going to be detrimental to you. Like ah, who cares?
Speaker 2:Let's just drive 120 miles an hour.
Speaker 1:Let's be like me. Let's not put your hands on the wheel.
Speaker 2:Don't do that.
Speaker 1:But when we are healed, we're healthy. It's a healthy way and we recognize it and other people recognize it. And when you sit with someone long enough, you kind of get to hear that, okay, what are they? Are coming from a victim mentality or from a overcomer mentality? They're sharing what you've learned and I think you've shared that with me before.
Speaker 1:Where you're like you know you're always you're so hard on yourself. You know you're so self-critical and I think that you know me more than anyone in the world that when someone says something to you and you get upset about it and makes you angry, there's truth to that Right. And if someone says something to you and you don't say, hey, wait a minute, let me question what they say, why did I get angry? Why did I feel this way? Because a lot of times, the things that people say to us that trigger us or make us upset, there's some truth to them and we have to step back and be willing as an adult, as a healthy person, and say is there truth to that Right? Why did I get upset? What person? And say is there truth to that right? Why did I get upset what?
Speaker 2:made me upset, right, um, not all the times, but the majority of the times. You know you get defensive. My, my daughter, actually brought up a point to me, um, about me and my own patients and, uh, she, she likes to label me as a very impatient person, which I'm taken back by because I feel like I'm very patient, I feel like I'm very compassionate and passionate and caring and giving you are, you know, with, with, what.
Speaker 2:I have and what I, what I can offer, but for my daughter, somebody who I live with 24 7 365, to tell me, you know that I, you know, get angry a lot, or that I'm not as patient as I feel like I am. And then she explained to me why, before she's told me this before and I was just blue rock on whatever you don't know what's wrong, you're just a little kid you know.
Speaker 2:But this last time she told me she actually elaborated and, you know, brought up some very good points about how I feel. She feels like I've always had to figure it out on my own and I get frustrated when other people aren't like that. But I have to understand that not everybody comes from the same background and not everybody has to depend on only themselves. So she says that I have this, if you want to get it done right, got do-it-yourself mentality, and I'm like I don't know who told her this or who she's talking to, but they need to stop. So it just really made me think like I'm only.
Speaker 2:There are certain things that trigger me to be very annoyed and irritated and not so patient. Yeah, and I'm just like, but I didn't see that until my current position in my workplace, when I had to deal with, you know, younger people and you know they're dealing with life and going through their own you know, trying to work out their own traumas and me I've already been there, I've already done that and I'm just like just get over it Like this, figure it out. You know I don't know what to tell you, but you know when I was them and in that situation. I had to, you know, figure my own way through it. And you know, just because they're not doing it like me doesn't mean that they don't deserve compassion and patience and and for somebody to teach them. You know, I have to learn to remember, to stop and teach, but if I'm still going through it, I can't teach you how to to get over it.
Speaker 1:If I'm still going through it, you know that is a really good point, because I remember when you just said something really really profound um, when you're going through your own healing, it's hard to have the patience to teach someone else right. And so that when I thought about that, I thought about my kids, like when I was raising my kids, like my daughter said to me at my birthday. She said you know, you're not the same person you were when we were growing up, but I was telling her when I was, when you were little I
Speaker 1:was trying to heal from all of the wounds and all of the scars and all of the trauma, I didn't have the patience to care for you, to love you the way I should have. I was trying to do the best that I could, but dealing with my own and I think that a lot of moms, a lot of parents, they didn't heal, they didn't heal properly or they didn't even take the steps to get the healing they needed from the trauma and they're raising children based out of their fears, traumas and experiences right, not based on the amount that god can do through them and the love and the patience, the mercy and grace that god gives us right and so, whenever you are in that type of environment, you're walking on eggshells.
Speaker 1:You are constantly like a sergeant. A sergeant telling them what to do, because you want to raise, you know, these strong individuals. You want them to be independent, you want them to survive.
Speaker 1:What life hands to them, because life wasn't so good to either of us right, and so you want them to be better, and then, at the same time, you forget that they're children and they need love, they need care, they need compassion, they need forgiveness, they need mercy and they need instruction, right, and and I see that now, like I see it now, and so I think that when you are in the middle of trying to heal yourself and all of that, don Don't have kids, like, get healed first.
Speaker 1:Don't get into a relationship, get your trauma healed, because you never know, I think, that people that isolate themselves and don't have friendships, you never get to know what you need healing from Right, because everything is secluded, nobody To your own mind, to your own mind, and so we're like a mirror to each other. I think that one of the beautiful things about our friendship is that I've been able to mirror my life through you. That you said the best friend. You know, this is what we call ourselves best friends. This is what you've gone through, this is what, um, this is what you've come out of, and I think when you don't develop a good, healthy relationship with someone that can mirror back to you what you have healed from, what you have overcome, and also correct the way you're speaking to yourself, you will never know the level of healing that you need.
Speaker 1:Why? Because nobody's there to tell you hey, wait a minute. Why are you getting upset? Why are you losing your patience? Why are you doing this? Because you yourself have kept yourself so enclosed, and that is a trap of the enemy, right, the enemy wants us to stay alone, the enemy wants us to be isolated, he doesn't want us to have friendships, he hates relationships. He hates unity. Why? Because as long as he keeps you isolated, he will remind you that you're fine, you don't need healing, you don't need anybody. You've got this. You can do it yourself. You're your own person, and the word of God says that you can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you. So if you're thinking that you're doing it on your own strength, you're lying to yourself the lie of the enemy and you're going to be alone and you're never going to heal and you're going to die alone, and that is not god's will for your life. So, anyways, what was it?
Speaker 2:no, that's, that's. Uh. Those are some amazing points because over the years, um, just growing, I mean, I'm not that old but, um, you know, just getting older, beingiser, having raised a child, if I were to have a child at this age, I know things would be just completely different. I would be a completely different mother, more patient. I feel like I was so young when I had my daughter that I forced her into a lot of next levels. You know, like walking, potty training, going to school. You know, doing this and doing that. You know, and, and I see young, I see parents now, you know their, their children still aren't potty trained at like two and a half years old. And I'm like what the? You know? I don't understand that, but you know, pediatricians will tell you. You know, your, your child will let you know when they're ready to be potty trained.
Speaker 2:And I think it's a beautiful thing to allow somebody because even though they're children, they're still just tiny humans and so to allow somebody to learn and grow at their own pace and give them the knowledge that they need to just, you know, grow into themselves and who they are. It's a really beautiful thing and it takes a lot of patience and it takes a very mature person to allow somebody else to grow in that manner. Because when you're rushing, you're rushing everybody behind you and you know there's a lot of steps that are missed, a lot of things that are overlooked. And, too, when you feel like you're by yourself, you know you, the enemy gets in your mind and he tells you all these lies about yourself. You know like you're never going to be this and you're never going to be that. And and you know well you, you already missed this timeline and you already missed that timeline, and you know you might as well just give up because it's never going to be any better. And that's a, that's a lie told by the enemy that is a lie.
Speaker 2:So when you surround yourself with by other people who are either healed or going through a healing journey, you know people who are full, you know, filled inside with joy and peace and and the love of god. You know they can share that with you. Because we all have weak moments, you know. We all have times where we just um, we're not feeling 100. You know about ourselves and and you know we get down and then it's normal. But you know we need people in our lives who can pick us up and remind us. Hey, you know what feel this emotion, but after that you need to pick yourself up and you need to remember, you know the word of god. He gives you promises and he gives you love and grace and mercy and he gives you. There is no timeline on our lives, none. And we, we give our own selves these timelines and it makes us feel anxious and sad and scared and you know, and it makes us feel bitter.
Speaker 1:You know, and and when we better because if we don't get there, we're like dang it. Yeah, I'm already 50 exactly.
Speaker 2:So then we, then we feel like failures. You know, okay, I may not be where this person is, but this person didn't have to come from where I came from. You know, and so you know we need people, we need God fearing people with love and patience, to remind us. You know, like it's okay to feel, it's okay to not be okay sometimes, but you don't need to stay there right um, and if we're by ourselves all the time we are, we're never going to get that um, do you think?
Speaker 1:it was hard for you to be uh around others at first, once you were going through your process uh, yes, I do.
Speaker 2:Um, I feel like, uh, over my lifetime I've pushed away a lot of people and I've realized that now, which is surprising to me, because I love people and I have noticed about my people, I'm my people. I've noticed about myself I'm, I'm. I used to be a very codependent person. I needed somebody else to be there with me all the time to do this or do that, or to validate me or tell me oh, you're, you're doing this right or you know whatever, just so that I could feel confident in what I was doing. But over the years I've learned to give myself that validation and, to you know, to not be such a code-dependent person. And it allows me to love other people, you know, because when you love somebody freely, it's genuine, but when you love somebody because you feel like you need them, it's a. It's scary to lose them, it's scary to think that you would ever lose them. So you become very, uh, unhealthy, in an unhealthy way, attached to these people. And as I started to realize this about myself, I felt like I was pushing people away. I can't, I can't, get attached to these people because I need to do this by myself, you know. I need to know that I can be here by myself. I need to know that I can, that I don't need this person here with me all the time, and so and I was healing and I was noticing all these things and I'm pushing these people away. And then now I'm here on the other side and I'm like where are all my people? You know, but but you know the my world has changed so much, or even, let's just say, over the past four or five years, and things. I mean my life went in a completely different direction than what I imagined, even as a young adult, and my environments different. My people are different, my career is different, everything is different and and I'm learning, you know, to, to embrace people and everything that they bring to the table.
Speaker 2:You know the, the way that they think, in the way that they feel. You know, I don't have to agree with it, but just to listen, because sometimes when you listen, you learn, and no, and not just, and not just. You know lesson that you can take for yourself, but it also teaches you about that person. You know, because people, when people tell you something about themselves or they tell you who they are, you have to believe it, because they know who they are. You know, and whether or not it's true.
Speaker 2:How do you know how to help somebody if you're not listening to their aches and pains? You know Somebody's going to tell you you know, well, I did this and I did that and I feel this way and I feel that way and I just know that I'm not going to do this and do that. You know, but you can help them, you can talk them through it, you can tell them based off your own experiences or you know, so on and so forth, and and I genuinely love to see people do good and be happy and how would I know how to help them if I'm not listening to what they're saying? You know, um, healing is a lot healing is a lot.
Speaker 1:So those of you that are tuning in, we are talking about what is healing, how do you know you have been healed? And three what is after healing? What do you do after you've been healed from that?
Speaker 2:exactly another thing. I was recently well, I wouldn't say recently for a few years now I've been really getting into church and learning about the Lord and his word, and they talk a lot about purpose. Oh man, that is a big one for me. That is a big one for me because what?
Speaker 1:is my purpose.
Speaker 2:You know, and I don't know, and I know I can't be the only one that feels that way. And you know, I meet these people in church and they're so confident and strong and and so just confident in what they're doing and I'm like how did you get there? Did you always know that that's what you wanted to do, or that's where you were going to go? And now that I'm, I'm in the healing process and there are things that I have healed from, but how do I use that? I process, and there are things that I have healed from, but how do I use that?
Speaker 2:I guess is my question like the what's the process after healing? What? How do I take what I've healed from and put it to good use to help somebody else? Do I join a ministry, or do I write a book, or do I sing a song, or do I, you know like, or do I just sit back and let life happen around me? Like, what do I do with that healing? How do I make it turn it into a purpose? And what is my purpose? You know, like, how do you figure out your purpose?
Speaker 1:I've always, I remember TD Jakes has been, like my pastor, mentor, without him even knowing for years, because I needed a lot of help going through trauma, when he first came out with Women that Were Loosed, and I remember him saying the thing that God brings you out of is the thing that he will take you back to bring people from, because you understand the process, the healing it took and the pain you went through. And I remember that from that time on, how was I going to get there? I had no idea, but I remember every step of the way that he took me through to Longview to do this, to do that, every step that I have in ministry that I have gone through, whether it was volunteering in a certain thing, whether it's working. I grew so much in my job because I had teachers around me. I didn't know that I was being taught Right. But after years of leaving I realized, oh my God, god was.
Speaker 1:I was in training for this and then when I went to House of Hope and then Restoring Joy Ministry, teaching on you know, forgiveness and forgiving people that have hurt you, forgiveness and forgiving people that have hurt you and walking in that process of just teaching those things to the women that were there Years later, it was like, okay, now that you've taught it, now you know enough about it, now let's go through it. And I'm like God. I thought I forgave, okay. And so, even though I had forgiven the people that had done those things to me, and so, even though I had forgiven the people that had done those things to me, there was something more. You know that song that says he's working all things for your good. He's behind the scenes. Yes, way maker.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You know he's working all things out for your good. It reminded me that throughout all this entire walk with him, that, even though I was just trying to discover what my purpose was, what I needed, and my heart was in it just to do and to be that, like they say, you're accountable for what you know. So I knew what forgiveness, unforgiveness, would do right. I knew that if I didn't forgive others, god could not forgive me. This 1 Peter 5 10 says that after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
Speaker 1:I think that when you really really come to a place of healing is that you are able to do're restored. You can confirm that you're restored. How? Because god gives you the strength to do the unthinkable, to do the impossible without his strength, and to establish you. How does he establish you that now you're establishing, you're grounded in those roots of forgiveness, right, and no matter what has happened, no matter what has come your way, you have been able to forgive. And I think for me that has been huge because, okay, all this trauma I've endured and I've gone through, not forgiven, and then something fresh comes up.
Speaker 1:Yeah and then you're like wait, wait, wait, a minute, like what's going on we've already been here.
Speaker 2:We've been here.
Speaker 1:I don't want to do this again, like no. And so I'm like what in the world am I going to do, like you know? So it's like am I going to be grounded in forgiveness? Am I going to walk this out? Am I really going to forgive? And what does that look like now? Right, because before that person's dead, that person's gone, that person's no longer in my life, or I've done away with that relationship, or I've done away with those friends. But now this is fresh and I have to look at this person, right. So it's like what do I do? How do I do it? And I have learned that it takes time, because we're still human. And it takes digging deeper and saying god, who am I? That's good. Who am I? That's good, who am I really?
Speaker 2:You know you want to continue to love people and you want to be there when they're in their victory and you want them to be able to stand up and say one day, oh, this person loved me when I was at my lowest and here I am on top and they're still here. And you know, we all, we all, want that for people that we love and we care about. But sometimes we have to be able to recognize when, when somebody's just constantly taking from us. You know if, if you feel drained or tired or or this person, just you know, just always is bringing you down. You know, I think that's when we have to be able to step away and love them from afar, pray for them from afar. Sometimes people need to be able to step away to make that change, you know, and then maybe you can see them again later. You know, whether it be in person or on tv, or you know they wrote a book, or you know, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2:Um, I think that has a lot to do with attachment issues. Uh, for me personally, as, uh, somebody who went through the trauma and the things that I did as a person, it's hard for me to let go of people. It is very hard for me to let go of people Because I like to see the good in everybody. I love to, I want to. I see all the good attributes you know and I'm and I want to hang on those you know and I'm like I see your potential and I see what you can do and I see who you can be, but if they're just not that person, I have to learn to let go, you know.
Speaker 1:That is hard.
Speaker 2:It is hard Because you want to drag it out in them. But we have to remember it's not up to us to change people. The only person we can change is ourselves, you know. And person we can change is ourselves, you know. And I think, uh, I, what I've learned of just being in the christian world, and I say that like that, because it is a different world it's a different world and we're from where I came from and, being on this side of the christian world, I'm definitely not perfect.
Speaker 2:I don't, I don't, um, I, I could be more consistent, I know that. But I still consider myself a christian, you know, and I know more now than I did then, and I feel like, being on this side of it, people expect their expectations of somebody who claims to be a Christian is so far fetched. Oh yeah, you know, it's so unrealistic because, like, are you meeting those expectations Right, exactly, and I'm just like you know.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't be condemned because.
Speaker 2:I want to love you and pray for you and because I want to show you the love. Maybe you were never shown before, right, and sometimes it is disheartening, you know, and discouraging, because I'm just like this is who I am. I know this is who I am, but I don't want you to hate me for it. You know, and people tend to be more judgy. You know of you and and I just think that I agree, I I feel like you know we should change that. You know we're still people we still make mistakes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we still go through things, if not even more so, because we're trying to work through all these past traumas.
Speaker 1:You know, it's almost like we're bringing it on ourselves, but it's necessary, you know necessary for growth, because a lot of people think now, you know you're in the christian world it's a christianese language. You know, don't go back to the past. Don't go back to the past. And I agree, you know you don't go back to it. But if you're doing the same cycles and there's something that's hindering you from from being fearful of going forward, there's got to be something there that you've got to dig deep, right and heal completely. You know, if we want to be whole, I think um can god do it in an instant? God can do anything he wants to do. Jesus christ came to die for for all, but it just it's up to the individual to want to right, and because he gives us free will.
Speaker 2:And I tried to, you know, I tried to explain that actually to somebody who came to me and was asking me well, if God can change everything, if God can make everything better, then why doesn't he? And I learned that because he gives us free will. If you want to go off and do something, he's going to allow you to do that, but he's going to be there with opening arms when you're ready to come back. And I think one of the biggest things that that impacted me, that I just remember always, is that he always lets us pick up where we left off. He never makes us start over. You know, it's not a punishment, we're not being punished. You know, if we want to veer off on our own direction, you know, and he's not, he's not, he's not a punishing God, he's not a hateful God, he's not a vengeful God. He's, he is, he's loving, he's not a punishing God, he's not a hateful God, he's not a vengeful God. He's loving, he's patient, he's graceful, he has mercy.
Speaker 2:And I think it's important for people to know that. You know, if you're going down this path of, I don't know, righteousness I guess, for the lack of a better word and you veer off on your own and you feel like you can't come back. That is not true. You and you veer off on your own and you feel like you can't come back. That is not true. You can, you can't come back, and he's there and he's waiting for you right where you left off.
Speaker 2:And I think it's so important for people to know that, because of shame and guilt, yeah, veer people off to, to a very dark place sometimes, and sometimes they don't come back. You know, and, um, I think that is sometimes, especially if you have a Christian in your life, somebody who's close to you, that I don't want to say it's a fail, but it almost is a fail, because somebody should have been there to, to reiterate and to remind you. You know, like he's here, you don't have to stay there. Then that isn't who you are. You know, don't let your shame and your guilt put you over here and keep you here. You know, bring it. He, the lord wants it, he wants it all, he wants you just as you are.
Speaker 2:And I think it's so important for people to know that. You know you don't have to be perfect to start going to church. You don't have to be perfect to start reading the bible. You don't have to be perfect to start working through your own process and healing. And you know, I mean, this is, this is who we are and he wants us just like this I think he wants us to crawl, sometimes right and even in our pain, even in our whatever.
Speaker 1:He wants us to crawl to him and say listen, I really need your help right and and it takes a lot.
Speaker 2:Takes a lot for people to ask for help because we're in a society that teaches us to be so independent and so you know I don't need nobody, and this and that, and it's not true. It really isn't true. You know, we're not. We're people we're not meant to be by ourselves.
Speaker 1:We're wired for love.
Speaker 2:We are, oh, my goodness, and that's the worst. It's the worst and the best, because that love can either make you or break you, you know. But it's a beautiful thing. I would much rather I can say personally that, you know, on my deathbed, 100 years from now, I would much rather say I loved a thousand times than to say I've never loved at all. Yeah, that is true, because I mean, what a life, you know, to never have loved, to never experience that, to not have those stories.
Speaker 2:You know, when you first meet somebody, your heart starts to race and your hands get all sweaty and you're excited about what's going to happen and when and if that love ever ends. You know it's sad and it's disheartening, you know. And it can break you, you know. I mean, you were there for me through my divorce and that almost broke me. It broke me, for it almost broke me for a lot of reasons. For one, because I didn't expect it to end. Two, I thought my life was planned out until the day I died, you know. So now I'm going into this unknown, you know, and don't know what to expect, don't know how I'm going to do it, and I can't see myself being able to provide any life for me, especially with the way that the things are now, you know, so expensive out there. And you know I was just so fearful. You know, how am I going to provide my daughter with the life that she deserves and the opportunities that I want her to have when, you know, I don't even know how I'm going to put a roof over my head. And when I tell you, my God came through, he was there, he was there, I mean, from out of everywhere.
Speaker 2:The unexpected, like so many people, came when I got my first apartment, my very first apartment at age 32, living by myself. For the first time ever, so many people came from all over. I got a two bedroom apartment. I didn't have nothing to put in it, nothing. My daughter didn't even have a bed, and my family, all of my family, all these people came together and by the time I moved into that apartment I had a fully furnished two bedroom apartment, from beds to couches, to dishes. I mean, I just never would have imagined in a thousand years that that would have been me. I was just so overwhelmed with, you know, gratitude I just didn't know what to do with it. And so that was just the first time he showed me himself, like I mean, I didn't realize that that's what I was looking at, but that was the first time he revealed himself to me and, looking back, it literally gives me butterflies, because I'm like I could never. I was just, it was. I was blown away. Time he revealed himself to me, I had kind of gotten into, I guess, a situation ship with a person that, of course, I wanted more with and we weren't on the same page.
Speaker 2:So, okay, we're gonna cut our ties or even go a separate ways. And again, here I am, again dealing with this heartache and I'm like why do I keep doing this? You know what? Why do I keep going after these people that don't want the same as I do? You know, like what is it that I need to change, that I can attract people that want what I want, you know? And I'm sitting here and I'm heartbroken, but never did I through that whole process. The heartbreak was different. The divorce heartbreak. I, I mean, I just couldn't see myself coming out of that. It was, it was horrible and but this heartbreak it was, it was bad. I felt it, I was sad, but it wasn't the same. You know, it wasn't. It wasn't I, I could still get up, I could still go to work, I could still do what I needed to do, even if I was just going through the motions. At least I was going through them, you know. And one night the Lord came to me.
Speaker 1:And I remember asking you way back when.
Speaker 2:How do you know that the Lord's saying these things to you? And it's not just your own subconscious mind telling you what you want to hear? And I remember you telling me you just wait, you just wait, you just wait, because when he speaks to you, you're gonna know it's him. And I was like, okay, okay, maggie, okay, maggie. So one night I'm asleep and, um, one of my biggest fears when I got my own place was that I was. I'm never gonna be able to sleep. I'm scared of the dark. You know, like I. Literally, even when I was married, I could not have all the lights off in a room. I needed light, I needed to be able to open my eyes and see around me. And so now that I was by myself, I was terrified.
Speaker 1:I was like I'm gonna have my own room.
Speaker 2:I don't think I've ever had my own room. You know like this is insane. I'm a grown woman, scared of the dark. And so one night I went home, I was by myself. My mom was at work, my daughter was spending the night somewhere. I was in this place by myself and I said, jessica, you are a grown woman, nothing is going to get you. The boogeyman does not exist. You turn off these lights and you go to sleep.
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am, I turned off them lights, put my back to the door and I went straight to sleep, slept through the night, but after this particular time that I had gone through this second heartbreak, I was feeling so sad. I literally cried myself to sleep Because I just couldn't believe that I had allowed this to happen to me again. I was sad about the breakup. I was sad that I'm going through this again. You know, like you would think I would learn my lesson the first time. And I fall asleep crying, and I was home alone and I remember feeling I'm, I have my back to the door and I remember feeling somebody's weight like a body on me, just kind of just like arm over me this way, and then just kind of like hugging me and when I was asleep I was like I remember struggling, like I couldn't move, like if somebody was really on me, and I remember sitting there thinking and I woke up and I was like what? And I turned around because I for a split second I thought it was my daughter, you know, like what do you want? And uh, and I was like what and there was nobody there, nobody, and the old me would have got up and flipped on all the lights, I would call 9-1-1, somebody's in my house, please, somebody, come help me. I would have left, but I, as soon as, as soon as I realized that it was not my daughter, I knew it was the lord, I knew it was.
Speaker 2:It was a hug. It was not my daughter, I knew it was the Lord, I knew it was, it was a hug, it was comfort to let me know that I was not alone, that I was okay, and I instantly went back, rolled right back over and went right back to sleep and slept through the night, probably one of the best nights of sleep I've ever gotten and I was not scared, which is I know it doesn't seem like much to anybody, but to me that was a huge thing, because the dark was really something that I was scared of. So for me to feel somebody on me in the middle of the night and turn around and nobody be there, it was. I've never felt that level of comfort, ever in my life, ever in my life.
Speaker 2:And so I feel like in some sort of way, I I healed from this heartache. You know, like my heart will never be broken the same again. I'm not gonna I'm not saying I'll never go through heartache, but I, I know, I know that I'm gonna be okay. You know, I know that I can, you know, pray and and he's there with me and I'm not alone. And and you know, physically maybe I can't see anybody, but I'm not alone and I think a big part of me, that is something that I've healed from. So now I need to figure out what to do with that.
Speaker 2:Well, that's what we're hearing, what would you tell?
Speaker 1:and I want you to look at the camera and I want you to tell what camera and I want you to tell what would your words be to someone who has gone through heartbreak, um, and is or in heartbreak right now and trying to heal from it and knowing what what healing looks like and what to do?
Speaker 2:well, the first thing I can say is is healing is not a pretty process, um, you know, not the whole process it I I feel like it is very important to allow yourself to feel these emotions. You know the, the anger, the sadness, the, just all of it. You know, um, because you can't get over something if you never deal with it and and it is very, very important to face those feelings head on Please take the time to heal the. The worst advice anybody could ever give you is to get over somebody, is to get with somebody else. That is the worst advice in the world, because you're skipping over a whole process. You know, and it is an important, important process. It really is, because how can you learn to love somebody else when you don't even know how to love yourself? And how can you teach somebody to love you if you don't even know how to love you? You know it's important to have boundaries. It's important to know your limits. It's important to know your desires and your wants and who you are, so that when you invite somebody into your world, you know you're strong-minded and you, you don't just fall into what they want you to be or who they want you to be. You are who you are and this is what you bring to the table. And then and saying vice versa, you know, they know you need somebody who knows who they are and and knows what they bring to the table so you can come together and build. And you can't get there if you never heal.
Speaker 2:So the best advice I can give you is to heal. Take that time, be alone, especially when you've been in a long time relationship. Take that time. Heal. Find out who you are, find out what you love. Heal, find out who you are, find out what you love. After you've been in a relationship for a decade or more, you know you are one with this person. So now you have to learn who you are by yourself. And it's a process and it's an important process and it may seem unnecessary and it hurts and it's ugly and it gets lonely and you can get sad, but those are all very important. It's it's all all a part of a very important process and that's honestly, that is the best advice I can give anybody is to take time thank you, jessica.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to overcome our podcast with jessica vargas and maggie winn. You Share it like. Leave us a comment. I will be leaving some scriptures that you can look up and also some helpful books you can read Number one, the Bible. Number two there's some other resources that I'll link down so you can also go to and be able to find what it is that you're looking for during this time. And remember, forgiveness is not an easy process, but it is necessary to move forward in your healing. Psalm 71 20 says, though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter. You will restore my life again from the depths of the earth. You will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
Speaker 1:God is the god of comfort and he will be the lifter of your head. And if you're facing shame, hurt and belittlement, know that God is for you, not against you, when you're really seeking Him with all your heart and forgive those that have hurt you so that you can be forgiven and move forward. Thank you for tuning in and for watching. God bless you.
Speaker 2:God bless you.
